Day 7: Epiphany

My husband and I had our session tonight. As we drove there I honestly saw it going one way, and by the end of our time it had gone the complete opposite direction- and it was a good thing.
When I am being honest with myself, I think that the main reason why I agreed and encouraged "couples counseling" is because I wanted my husband to be in the hot seat. I wanted the therapist to sit there and tell him all of the things that he was doing wrong and to side with me...for the most part. However, our therapist did something quite extraordinary- he put me in the hot seat last night. We talked about my expectations, we sorted out both of our emotions, we laid it all on the line and then stepped back to observe the chaos and confusion that we call marriage. We determined that we don't have a functional partnership, nor have we ever. We are a "good team" as friends, and as parents, but we have never been in-sync as husband and wife. This has led to a lot of deep resentment and unmet expectations. By the end of our time, I have to admit that I was starting to get petty. I hated being the focus of the discussion, and like a child who feels picked on, I wanted to sling a couple of mean words, pick up my ball, and go home. Even though I was pretty huffy as we went to the car, my husband jumped in front of me so that he could open my car door, and smiled his big goofy smile. It was then that I realized that things could be ok, and that it was ok for me to hope that everything would work out.